Letting Go of Dreams

 

When we were kids, we dream of becoming anything and everything. As I read this week about Randy Pausch and his childhood dreams. I was reminded of some of my childhood dreams of becoming: an astronaut, and a Doctor. Unlike Randy Pausch, I have not accomplished any of my dreams. I was impressed by how he kept his dreams at the forefront and reality in his life. He found ways to make them happen, they became his lifelong quests. He didn’t let opposition and other people’s views, or opinions come in the way of what he wanted and dreamed of becoming. His dreams became the driving force in his life.

Why haven’t my dreams become a reality? It wasn’t as though they were not realistic or unattainable but along the way, they no longer became my dreams. In the 1980's being an astronaut was almost everyone’s dream. But I remember in 5^th grade the day that dream no longer became a dream for me. It was January 28, 1986, I had gone into class to grab something during lunch and remember seeing my teacher watching the TV. He was watching the Challenger Shuttle take off, it was so exciting. Just as fast as it was exciting to see it take off, my dreams of becoming an astronaut exploded as I witnessed the Challenger explode before my eyes. I remember that day vividly. I remember never having a desire to become an astronaut again.

I have never thought of it as giving up on my dreams. But that my dream changed. Just like the dream of becoming a doctor. In college I had a friend that got hurt in a sledding accident. I remember the blood and passing out. Becoming a doctor was not in the cards or me. Again, it was not that I had given up on a dream, but the realization that I was not on the right path became evident.

This week’s class reading was very eye-opening for me. We were asked to look into the future of how we envisioned our lives becoming looking back. At one point in the readings, it asked us to look to the age of 50 and imagine what we had accomplished. There were a lot of tears this week after that point. I am 45, I don’t have any worldly accomplishments. I don’t even have a career. My dreams of owning a food truck diminished. I feel as though I have run out of time to have that dream become a reality. There was a lot of soul searching this week.

No, I may not have a lot of worldly accomplishments. But I have 5 children that I have poured my time and energy into. I love them beyond words. They know they are loved for who they are. They know I believe in them and am their biggest cheerleader.

For now, that is enough for me.